John's Story

Hello I'm John, I'm 38 from waterford Ireland. Here is my story from the ups to the downs of addiction.

I started drinking when I was 15. I can't remember my first drink but I can remember one of the first times I drank. It was out in a field with my mates, I was 15 and from that night on I knew I would have a problem with drinking as it did something to me that I didn't like. It drove me mad, caused me to black out.

I left school at 17 and went working, that's when my life really became unmanageable. I would get paid and spend all my money on the drink. I had no respect for myself or anybody else, once I had drink that's all I worried about. I robbed, begged, borrowed for it. By the time I was 20 it was after getting arrested a few times, getting barred out of pubs, but that didn't bother me once I had a drink. For the next few years I drank everything I had away. I ruined my families life, my own life, with my behavior which was not good. Looking back I was a wanker but that was the drink controlling my life. I tried a few timed to give it up but I went back on it because I never accepted help; which looking back now I should have done. It ruined every relationship I had with women because the drink always came first. It has put me in some awful places, life support machine, a mental hospital, police stations. I can remember the last drink I had 16 months ago I drank for about 3 days my head was wrecked I thought I had no way out. I went mad...I went out to my back garden and poured 2 litres of petrol over me and the lighter wouldn't work which looking back now was a blessing. My fingers were cut from me trying to get it to work.

The next morning I went to see the doctor. I was still in the same clothes, petrol all over me and sugar in my hair. I saw the doctor and the shrink for about an hour I knew there and then I was screwed. I was at rock bottom!! I knew the next drink would kill me. I tried to do it myself which I done for 10 months on my own but that still wasn't enough. I wanted to drink again, so I made the decision to go to a treatment centre in Bruree Limerick which changed my life. I didn't think it would... I learned so much about myself. I got to clear everything from my head and I learned how to cope with life and to live a day at a time, but the most important thing I learned is to talk to people and never feel alone. Someone is always there to listen. I have a great life now today. I have freedom, peace of mind, life is so good, so anybody out there who is struggling just be strong and just talk to someone. Your life will change for the better but you have to want it.