It tells me I’m not worthy
I’m just not good enough
It tells me I’m fat & ugly
And I’m really not so tough
It tells me I deserve
All the pain I’m in
It tells me I’m a failure
It repeats again & again
It tries to make me focus
On all the negativity
It tells me life is horrible
And I don’t need recovery
It tells me that I’m fine
And I don’t need any help
It tells me I don’t need anyone
And I can do this by myself
Even after close to 7 years
It tells me this pollution
It probably always will
But I now know the solution
I learned how to ignore it
I learned how not to sink
I learned gratitude & acceptance
And not to believe everything I think
I learned to hit my knees
To talk to God & pray
I learned that when I’m uncomfortable
To do it anyway
I learned it’s none of my business
What others say about me
I learned I have a choice
And I choose recovery
I learned to share my feelings
And to reach out for help
I went to meetings & got a sponsor
I worked all 12 Steps
I learned this lasts forever
It’s a life-long process
I learned to remain teachable
And it’s okay to be a mess
I learned how not to worry
I learned how to save my soul
I learned to do my part
And that God is in control
I’ve learned so much about life
In these last 7 years
I’ve grown leaps and bounds
Through the joys & the tears
It hasn’t been very easy
It’s the hardest thing I’ve done
But if at the end of the day I’m clean
It’s another day I’ve won
Life can be very painful
And hard to deal with, I know
But another thing I’ve learned
Is it’s through pain that we grow
Everything happens for a reason
That really is true
It’s okay to be uncertain
And not know what to do
What matters is we try
Each and every day
We let God do His thing
And learn to not get in His way
Recovery is a gift
An answer to our prayers
Most people do not get the chance
To sit in these chairs
We all are truly blessed
This gift we should embrace
We should all be dead
But God saved us with His grace
Yes, it requires work
Sometimes you’ll feel alone
Another thing I’ve learned
Is to just pick up the phone
The drugs are not the problem
The drugs were my solution
Getting high is but a symptom
My brain is the pollution
We can and do recover
But I had to learn to see
That the disease isn’t addiction
The disease I have is Me
My story I summarized into a poem at 2 years 2 months clean…. I am now approaching 7 years clean & my precious little brother recently passed away from brain cancer at just 21….& now my older brother (just 46 & only sibling left) just passed away in Feb from liver failure….but by the grace of God, I still have my recovery!! The lie is dead!! We Do Recover!!
By April Grisham