I am “now” 68 with 32 years sobriety BUT I nearly lost it all. I loved AA; I loved meetings; I loved how at 38 I got to get the career I always wanted because I was sober. I listened to my sponsor; did the steps, all of them. As I grew I started to sponsor women. “THEN” at about 28 years sobriety, boom my world caved in – I had a daughter who overdosed, my dad passed away and then my mom got “alziemers” – I still stuck close to the program, went to meetings talked to sponsor. Listened to ” God never gives you more than you can handle” I was in for an unexpected shock – I had to retire and move 5200 miles away – to a rural community to provide care for mom.
I promised myself I would stay active in the program; that I would NEVER stop going to meetings or doing my daily readings. I was with mom 24-7 for five years. There were only two meetings a week and they were 40 miles away. I got complacent, I got resentful, I got angry and essentially became a winey cranky old lady and I STOPPED going to meetings! Mom passed I moved back to my home in Florida, but still didn’t go back to meetings, I was feeling self imposed shame because I had lost touch with AA.
I was headed straight to a drink and the long tunnel of despair, I thought I didn’t care, what the hell, I had a good run at sobriety 30 years isn’t anything to sneeze at. My old sponsor called me; she asked if I would give a lead at a Women’s conference, I declined. She came to my house a few days later just for a friendly chat and cup of coffee then left & didn’t mention the Conference to me. My guilt started to kick, cause, you see, I was always taught – don’t say no to carrying the message. I spoke; it was quite a large group; I shared what happened and what it was like for me “today” and it wasn’t text book -” Big Book “. An hour or so – in the quietness of my hotel room, I got on my knees for the first time in many years. As the book says “I was given a reprieve” …misery is optional. I was “barely” smart to realize this was my “second” chance. Although I didn’t drink – I was not emotionally sober.
I had my “career” smarts, as a health care professional; but I wasn’t smart enough to listen to the difference between NOT DRINKING and SOBRIETY. I am the “happiest” most fulfilled women in the world today!! I made the effort to “Change” me. As the Promises say; if someone reaches out for help; it is my responsibilty to help. I reached out and AA worked perfectly – one alcoholic talking to another. I am having a lot of fun at “almost” 70 years old; my preference is often the young peoples meeting. Many of my “judgements” have, gone and I have grown.
This old lady has learned to love kids with “Tats”; kids with tons of piercings, kids who wear “no shoes” to meetings. These kids are my “homeys” , my friends and also my mentors. When they speak I listen; they have lead a very different life than me; but their experiences, strength and hope are exceptional and I am grateful they have wrapped their arms around this “old” lady.
Maggie L.
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